failure.

I am some what a failure. I cannot stand on my own two feet. I am struggling atm. I don't even feel down, all I feel is numb. Right now I have a very graphic image in my head of self harming. This just triggers me more but I haven't done anything yet. Highlight the 'yet' part as I do not know. I am very unsusre atm. I give people advise but I cannot take it myself. I am trying so hard but yet I am failing so bad! People just don't know how hard it is to live with such a dirty coping maechanism. I'm thinking of reasons why I shouldn't do it; got cadets tomorrow and its short sleaves. - don't want the parents seeing, - want to start the school year with not cuts or verhy visable scars. But so many that will make me wanna, - no-one cares, - what have I got to live for? - scars are only tempoary and you can hide them. -it will only be a scratch. I aam unsure. I really don't wanna do it but there is a voice inside my head waanting too. I can't take this so I am going to try and sleep it off. Maybe that will help. Thank you for reading. Xxx