C'MON BE HAPPY.

So as some may know i do not live with help from a med or therapy etc.. My therapy nurse decided to ditch me after 3times as i wasnt helping myself and i didnt want to do anything about it. This being the fact i just wanted to kill myself- un noticed to this nurse. I expalaned my thought, the dreadful ones and the reaason i came to see her ( a boy in the year ahead hung himself- I waaas scared it waas going to be me next so hence why i went to the nurses office). So yeh anyway to the point, yesterday i said to my mum i didnt want to go to my camp ( army cadet camp, in north york from 23rdjuly-5th august) due to not feeling good- emotionally. So she said i need to go to the doctors to get me a 'pick me up' so i dont feel so down. I thought about this and yes i didnt make the decision myself, i got my friend too. So im going to the docs with her waiting with me soo i will acctually go in. Lets just say im shitting it. Its ok for the meds, e.g but what if they ask further questions, like do you self harm, can i see them, does your parents know? - and if i aam very honest i would tell them but also have the fear of getting thrown into a lonie bin and never coming out of the doctor might just tell everyone to stay away froom me cause im a freak. Fuck, i wish i had balls to do this, cause i know i need to but fear is my only step baack. Eurgh.